The Getting Insanely Lost Test

We're about to introduce a bit character in the Mikey gameshow - her name: Erin from Minnesota. She's an old friend that I've known for close to 10 years. Nowdays we keep in touch through e-mail, but there was a different time of course.

A few years back Erin visited NJ with the idea if things went well in her 4 day stay, we would take things to another level. Despite the 1200 mile distance between us, this plan made perfect sense. That's how it goes with long distance relationships. On paper they compute like perfect math. In reality, you're more likely to see A-Rod and Kate Hudson togeth-- no way really??

By the third day of her visit, things were going well. Despite this, though, I hadn't felt anything to make me think about trading in my beach badge for a life of shrinkage in the Minnesota cold. (btw, if you've never been to Minnesota go outside and take a picture. Then, let it sit in the sun for 12 days till there is no color left in the picture - just a drab gray splotch. Viola! Welcome to the Twin Cities!) I decided the perfect thing to spark things up would be a day trip to Philly. We could eat cheesesteaks, run up the Rocky steps till we puked the cheesesteaks, lean over the guardrail and touch the crack in the Liberty Bell and then have sexy time in Betsy Ross's house. Again: my blog, my fantasy.

With our plan laid out, we set off across the Garden State around 11 or so. At 3:30, I Iooked over at Erin and let her know it was safe to get out of the car. We had arrived in Philadelphia, although, it was hard to tell since most Starbucks throughout the world look pretty much the same.

I'm not sure how it took me close to 4 hours to get to Philadelphia. As Erin deadpanned at the 2 hour mark "Didn't you grow up like 20 minutes away?" Technically, she was correct, but this didn't help when my car ran out of gas halfway through Jersey. Nor did it help when I-95 was shut down to two lanes. Remember, this was way before my phone could give me directions to China.

Upon entering Starbucks, I retreated to the bathroom to call my roommate. He was basically horrified at how my day turned out. We were supposed to be meeting him and his girl for dinner at 6, so our day long odyssey pretty much assured the only part of Philadelphia Erin and I were going to see was the Starbucks on Walnut Street. To say the least, this was not turning out good.

I left the bathroom ready to go into full joke mode - anything to keep the mood light and prevent things from blowing up. What I hadn't expected to see, however, was the sight of Erin holding a new CD, a bag of coffee for my roommates and two drinks. She smiled, paused and said, "Cmon, let's sit by the window."

For about an hour, all the time we could afford, we watched the rain pour down and engulf the side of a dilapidated building. There was no Liberty Bell or Rocky steps today - just me, her, and two feminine drinks... and everything was OK.

Months later Erin and I would point to this day as the moment that things turned for us. For better or worse, we were together.

It also gave rise to what I consider one of the most important tests for a significant other in a relationship - The Getting Lost Test. Plenty of girls in that situation would have verbally berated me to the point where I'd consider driving into oncoming traffic. These are the type of women, that no matter how wonderful they appear in normal room temperature, will blow gaskets like Trasha from Real World Sydney when faced with any unexpected circumstances. They complain when babies cry. They'll blame the dog for their farts (ok, that's me). Their Facebook status will be a constant feed of what's wrong with their lives and what's wrong with you. Finding out which people are going to inevitably go crazy isn't easy. This is why you must administer The Getting Lost test.

Listen to me, if you haven't gotten lost in a car with your significant other yet, do it now. I'm serious. This weekend make a trip to your nearest city, but don't actually go. Instead, get insanely lost. Make it an all day event that would fray the nerves of a monk and take notes on how your significant behaves. I'm telling you, the resulting behavior is the behavior that you can expect in every tough moment for the rest of your waking lives together.

Stating the obvious here - relationships aren't smooth, marriages even less so. By the time you reach wherever it is you set out for, it's probably not even there anymore. More than anything else in relationships, make sure you find someone that enjoys the trip more than the destination. Words to live by from an eternally single Mikey.