Let's recap.
My date was scheduled for a Tuesday. Tuesday night dates are optimal because those are the days that I volunteer teaching music at the homeless shelter in the city. If I have a first date in NY, I always do it on a Tuesday so that I don't have to make an extra trip into the city that week. Also, when the girl asks what I was doing earlier in the night, I can nonchalantly reply, "Oh, I was just playing guitar with Malik and Lyonna at the shelter - You know they don't get a chance to experience music like other boys and girls their age in the suburbs." No shame, none at all :)
The place I was to meet her was some low key sports bar near midtown - convenient for both of us. Meeting time was 8:30 and I finish teaching at 8. This should have been no problem... should. As we were packing up all our instruments and moving them from one room to another, a little boy whom I shall now lovingly refer to as Cockblock, decided to close the door with all the kids' belongings, along with the keys to the room itself - and him - inside of it. (You're probably wondering how a door gets locked from the inside. Trust me, so was I.)
Under normal circumstances this could have easily been solved, except this is a NYC shelter. The guards and staff running this place have problems finding the numbers on a clock, let alone keeping the keys to all the rooms organized. No one could find a master key, and Cockblock was too busy crying like a little girl inside the room to successfully look around the room for the keys. As I tried to keep him calm by shouting through the door, the guards assured me that I was free to leave. If you knew the guards at the shelter, you would understand my trepidation in leaving a hamster to their care, let alone a human being who I wasn't even sure had parents.
It ended up taking multiple trips to the front office, walkie-talkie relays and phone calls to find a master key. It also took an hour. All the while I was texting Tonya to let her know what the deal was. Of course she'd understand, right? Wrong.
When I finally made it to the bar, over an hour later, I found Tonya sitting by herself at the table looking a wee bit upset.
"I was about to leave, ya know. You're lucky I stayed."
Hmm. I proceeded to apologize, order some drinks, and try my best to lay down the Mikey charm. I explained the whole situation but Tonya didn't seem to care. I was late and she had to sit and watch the game all by herself.
Over the next half hour two things had become very apparent. Tonya was very cute with ginormous boobs, and she wasn't going to get over me arriving late. Every once in a while she would begin a normal get-to-know-you converstion, giving me a sliver of hope, only to retreat back to more bitching. At the 45 minute mark of this 'date', I had had enough.
"Here's 35 dollars. I got to get going."
"What?"
"It's been a long night and you're obviously upset. I couldn't leave my kid by himself and you can't seem to grasp that so imma get goin', catch you later."
And with that, I was up and out the door - along with my fantasies.
I've never done that before. True this girl was turning out to be a beeyotch. But she was a CUTE beeyotch - with superpowers in bed. I was essentially walking away from a pretty girl who just wanted to bow-chick-a-bow-wow. But I'm too old to be dealing with women of this ilk. It wasn't like this girl was wifey material. Being a teacher, she should've understood some of the responsibilities you have with children. How could she be so shortsighted?
"Here's 35 dollars. I got to get going."
"What?"
"It's been a long night and you're obviously upset. I couldn't leave my kid by himself and you can't seem to grasp that so imma get goin', catch you later."
And with that, I was up and out the door - along with my fantasies.
I've never done that before. True this girl was turning out to be a beeyotch. But she was a CUTE beeyotch - with superpowers in bed. I was essentially walking away from a pretty girl who just wanted to bow-chick-a-bow-wow. But I'm too old to be dealing with women of this ilk. It wasn't like this girl was wifey material. Being a teacher, she should've understood some of the responsibilities you have with children. How could she be so shortsighted?
As I left the bar, I thought two things to myself. This is what I should expect from a girl from Queens who talks about her squirting habits over the phone. And two, do not, under any circumstances, look back at the seductive melons still sitting on the table.
PS: The best thing is girls will read this and wonder what the dilemma was. Guys will read this and scream NOOO, YOU IDIOT!! GO BACK! GO BACK!!
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