Prepping for a Meeting

So I shot the Brazilian a short e-mail. The innocuous type that invariably leads to the all familiar "Hey Stranger!" response. I really hate "Hey Stranger!" responses. They reek of flirtaciousness (after all, has any guy ever shot another guy friend a "Hey Stranger" text), yet they never fully evolve into "Hey Sexy!" They are the blue balls of opening line greetings.

After a few short catching up e-mails, she asked if I wanted to meet up... Really? She wants to meet up? Grab dinner? I'm not sure if she's aware, but we don't exactly live down the street from each other. I smell something rotten and odd. Like four day old Spicy Tuna Roll from Shop-Rite.

A younger Mikey would have been ecstatic at the opportunity to meet up with someone that got away. I'd be tearing open the giftpack of BRUTE cologne, shining up the Sketchers, buying the extra hold Suave mousse and waxing the old Firebird. But this isn't 1999. I've dated roughly 4,480 crazies since then, and I'm going into this with more than a modicum of wariness.

The Silver Bullet & Facebook Stalking

Myth has it that the famed silver bullet is the one bullet in a chamber that can kill a werewolf. In stories, you never use it until you have a clear shot at your target, lest you waste it. Similarly, when it comes to talking to women from your past, you never "randomly bump into them" until you have the perfect opportunity. You must be patient for that right time in her life (when she's single or at least not whoring it up at the Jersey shore) to fire off that silver bullet. After all, two random e-mails might bring about a smidge of creeeeeepyyyy.

With that being said, over the past 7 months I've been keeping a watchful eye on what the Brazilian (backstory) has been up to. This includes a little old-fashioned Facebook stalking as well as having a tracker on my art portfolio page which tells me the IP addresses of all its visitors. It's helpful for recognizing who is interested in my artwork - or what girl is checking me out. Stop. This is not weird. I've just been meticulous and thorough... deliberate if you must. (I like these words. They make me sound more like General MacArthur advancing on the Pacific and less a teenage following his crush from class to class.)

Every now and then, I've noticed a certain visitor from London checking the page out. Every time she does this, I look at her Facebook profile picture to see if her other half is still in the picture. It's always been, until yesterday.

I don't know what this means. This could be coincidence. Perhaps she grew tired of her current facial expression. Maybe she is need of a killer piece of art...
OR
Maybe she's home for the holidays and lonely and horny and thinking about how much she hates that in London everyone smells like tea and has bad breath, and her boyfriend is 10 years older than her and owns more cardigans than Mr. Rodgers and she wants to break up with him and she always wondered what would have happened if she got to know Mikey a little bit better and had gone to the Museum with him and then gotten hopped up on some Yellowtail enough to make some semi-regrettable decisions and she's too scared to ask so she just keeps looking at my profile...

Maybe?

Listen, it's possible. And I can't hold onto this silver bullet any longer. Time to fire away a "Hey! What's goin on?" message.