Normally cleavage can only be glanced at. I like to follow the Jerry Sienfeld approach: "Looking at a cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it. It's too risky. You get a sense of it and then you look away." On this afternoon, however, I found myself privy to an unobstructed view of my cute classmate's perfectly tanned breasteses.
Naturally, I took this once in a blue chance to look. And by look, I mean gawk. Further enhancing the viewing was that it was the first day of Sun Dress Season. Second only to Simmons' first day of Halter Top Season on college campuses (I believe it fell on the third Sunday in April this year), is the annual first day of Sun Dress Season. A beautiful day when young professionals collectively decide it is much too warm to wear any pantsuit at work and, instead, begin wearing a silky yarn that is supposed to be a sort of fancy clothing but, in fact, could double as a handkerchief.
Seriously there is nothing that will cheer up a boring day at work like a cute girl prancing around in what looks like yellow lingerie. On the flip side, nothing can be much creepier than a guy blankly staring at a girls cleavage in one of these sundresses. Being caught mid-stare is one of the more mortifying - and awkward - moments you can share with a girl. You really have no excuse. There might as well be a neon light flashing above your head.
On this day, I was daring that light. I don't know if it was the heat or the boredom of class, but I think I stared for 12 straight minutes without blinking. It was like wearing sunglasses and staring directly at the sun. I only stopped when my glance firmly met with another male classmate mirroring my actions. My reaction was akin to when the ghost of Christmas Past brings Scrooge back to look at his grave. "Spirit... is that me? Oh God, no! Nooo!!"
On this day, I was daring that light. I don't know if it was the heat or the boredom of class, but I think I stared for 12 straight minutes without blinking. It was like wearing sunglasses and staring directly at the sun. I only stopped when my glance firmly met with another male classmate mirroring my actions. My reaction was akin to when the ghost of Christmas Past brings Scrooge back to look at his grave. "Spirit... is that me? Oh God, no! Nooo!!"
I think I will be taking a moratorium on cleavage staring for a few weeks.
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Love that episode
ReplyDeleteI actually like to use that staring tactic as a way to pick up girls. They love a little drooling action
ReplyDeleteYou listen to me right now. You will NOT, do you hear me NOT, suspend your staring activities. This act is part of a complicated web of social checks and balances that keep the male and female species at odds and at the same time drawn together. Because women both want us to stare and want to catch us. If you stop now, you will be letting everyone down. Carry on my oggling friend. For all of us Engineers stuck on all male teams at work all day hoping for a glimpse of a moderately attractive and youthful woman, keep staring.
ReplyDeleteI think Steve's comment is wise. I particularly enjoy having lunch with 3 other guys on a college campus. There is almost no chance of completing a conversation because half the table totally loses focus with every girl that walks by...
ReplyDeletei feel sometimes that i am the odd ball out, but i firmly think that the only reason we wear boobage tops/dresses is for the male populations attention, and we just pretend it offends us...
ReplyDeleteSEE YOU ADMIT TO IT!!! You women CRAVE the attention!!
ReplyDeleteps. you said boobage tops, hehe. that makes mikey laugh
LOL Steve.
ReplyDeleteI wear boobage tops not for men's attention, but for mine. I love walkin' around the house in underoos and bra (I'm sure imagining this is drool-worthy for some). Hell, I'm sure you like to do this as well (walk around in underoos and bra, I mean. hehe). Less covering=more comfort to me.
I get that, by wearing such clothes, some men might stare. I chose to wear said boobage clothing, right? But it does make me wonder why they are loved like a god to some men. Can you explain this to me?
But when a guy stares like that, no matter what clothing, it ruins any chance to (ahem) get close to me (Than again, I don't give that easily. I'm very picky; I think I'll write about that for my next post--thanks for the idea).
Why? Because cleavage is like a big tease! It works both ways... Girls do the same thing, we just don't act horrified when we catch you looking :)
ReplyDelete