Contestant #1

After the latest DWO (didn't work out), I wasted no time in putting myself back on the site that spawned most of the past year's tales - Match.com.  As many of you know, I am no stranger to internet dating - I might even be called a wily veteran at this junction in life.  The Jamie Moyer/Derrick Mason/Steve Martin of internet dating.  I view it as a necessary evil - especially being a bustling citydweller like myself* -  in today's harsh romantic landscape. 

I will reserve my drawn out love/hate feelings towards Match.com for another day, but after a week of sifting through the NY/NJ singles mess I found a girl we'll call Peaches.  She is unlike anything I have ever attempted to date because she is white. When her picture first came up, I tried adjusting the contrast on my screen to make her appear darker.  I kid... but she really is white, and a redhead to boot.  Whenever I meet a girl I always quickly imagine what our offspring would look like.  I fathom this pairing would kind of be like the bastard love-child of Elmo and Burt from Burt and Ernie.  

Despite our unfortunate offspring potential, she is pretty cute and she has a really awesome profile. Just saying those words makes me slightly nauseous. "She has a really awesome profile..." Bear with me, this is dating in the 00's in the city* Let me show a few excerpts that caught my fancy...

 - I especially love people that border on ridiculous

 - I like to talk about politics, social responsibility, karma, why i am here, the past, the future..

 - As much as I like to have fun and act giddy from time to time, life and all of it's mysteries are not far from my thoughts..

 - hobbies include volunteering, flea markets, and like everyone else "exploring the city"

She sounds like the perfect liberal mess that will undoubtedly love me and dump me in a month.  I can only hope she is a vegan of some sorts too.

I am in the midst of setting up a date with her right now.  I am thinking the usual.  Two bargain basement 10 dollar drinks by a man dressed in all black beside one candle that gives off just enough light to let me know I am talking to a female.  She'll order a glass of wine and I'll order something I'll later regret.  (I have no knowledge of hard alcohol that hasn't been mentioned in an R&B song.)  This reminds me of the time I was handed a glass of wine to drink with three, yes THREE glasses.  Apparently you were supposed to mix one of them or something.  All I know is one of them was a goblet and I mentioned that I felt like Harry Potter in a Snoop Dog video to my date.  She didn't laugh.

*I really don't live in NY (my family did), but I do spend lots of time there volunteering and pretending to be an urbanite.  I tell girls I either live in NY or Philly because I have convinced myself that I will be moving to one of these cities very shortly.  Cmon, do YOU want to meet someone from the Jersey shore?