I will try not to be too graphic, but ladies, let's put some things on the table. There is a certain area on the male anatomy that, even under the wintriest of conditions, will tend to heat up. Most of the time we don't mind all that much. However, if it's the middle of summer, or if we are about to embark on a date, the feeling of 'bat wings' can be a bit unsettling. Therefore, we always make sure, no matter how little the chance of getting nekkid... even just for peace of mind... we powder our balls.
Similar to how you ladies wear fancy, frilly Victoria's Secret underoos on first dates (even with no intention of letting them be seen) simply for your own mental comfort, us fellas chalk up for that extra level of comfortableness. Before every date I venture on, I powder my balls like I was preparing a chicken cutlet in a bucket of Shake and Bake. It's a careful process, as you don't want to overdo it and make your little guy look like its about to appear in blackface for a 1920's silent film.
The thing is, whenever I powder the Onion Sack, it invariably ensures that my date will be a bust. Or, if I'm actually dating someone, shining The Jewels guarantees that she'll either A) be in the midst of entertaining her monthly visitor, B) have a splitting headache, or C) pass out before I finish suffering through back to back Friends episodes. Despite this, you still have to partake in the ritual. It's only after you fall madly for each other that you can introduce a lady to the more enjoyable aspects of dating like not showering and Dutch Ovens.
The corollary to this is also quite true. For example, if I somehow neglect to sugar the kiwis, then the stars will align and I'll wind up meeting a sweetheart - or the girl I'm seeing will have just finished reading the sex column in Redbook. Either way, not a good time for first appearances.
All this jibber jabber does have a reason. I recently got in touch with a girl from college. I can't understate the randomness of this. She is one of those facebook friends that you rarely talk to. I found out that she had just called things off with a short term guy and gave her the usual friendly advice. She mentioned needing to smoke tonight. This is probably not the best idea in her state of mind but to each their own. I, myself, rarely partake in the wacky tabacky but I find it amusing to watch others do so. Naturally, I figured this would be the perfect time to have a reunion of sorts. I've invited her to come by and hang out with me for the first time in about 6 years. I don't remember what classes we were in and I have no idea what her last name is but it really doesn't matter. All I know is she's cute, and seems pretty fun so why not? I honestly have no intentions of anything, but still - I wonder if I should powder my balls.
The thing is, whenever I powder the Onion Sack, it invariably ensures that my date will be a bust. Or, if I'm actually dating someone, shining The Jewels guarantees that she'll either A) be in the midst of entertaining her monthly visitor, B) have a splitting headache, or C) pass out before I finish suffering through back to back Friends episodes. Despite this, you still have to partake in the ritual. It's only after you fall madly for each other that you can introduce a lady to the more enjoyable aspects of dating like not showering and Dutch Ovens.
The corollary to this is also quite true. For example, if I somehow neglect to sugar the kiwis, then the stars will align and I'll wind up meeting a sweetheart - or the girl I'm seeing will have just finished reading the sex column in Redbook. Either way, not a good time for first appearances.
All this jibber jabber does have a reason. I recently got in touch with a girl from college. I can't understate the randomness of this. She is one of those facebook friends that you rarely talk to. I found out that she had just called things off with a short term guy and gave her the usual friendly advice. She mentioned needing to smoke tonight. This is probably not the best idea in her state of mind but to each their own. I, myself, rarely partake in the wacky tabacky but I find it amusing to watch others do so. Naturally, I figured this would be the perfect time to have a reunion of sorts. I've invited her to come by and hang out with me for the first time in about 6 years. I don't remember what classes we were in and I have no idea what her last name is but it really doesn't matter. All I know is she's cute, and seems pretty fun so why not? I honestly have no intentions of anything, but still - I wonder if I should powder my balls.
Posts
i have never thought so much about your balls and i would like to never think so much about them ever again...
ReplyDeleteTry boxer briefs though, they keep everything under control.
Batwings!! right on the thigh dude.
ReplyDeletethis is in a away the same as shaving our legs as a female, the one date that we wear long pants too, impromptu get together or like you said hang out with someone you dont expect anything to happen with, we contemplate the use of our razors, and the one time that we dont is the one time somethings are bound to happen.
ReplyDeleteI never powder, I like to surprise a girl
ReplyDeletePowder away, sir.
ReplyDeletePowder away.
"Chris is Starving!"
Balls like Eggshells
ReplyDeleteGold Bond Medicated powder. "Halls for the Balls"
ReplyDeletebut, but, doesn't it taste bad?
ReplyDeleteyou're ruining the possibility of blowjobs with extras!